Top 10 Possible bad poker player celebrities:
1. Homer Simpson
Sure, he's an animated character,
but if you had to draw up the worst poker player ever,
it would have to be Homer Simpson. Easily distracted -- "mmmm.... donuts"
and easy to put on tilt -- "Why I ought to... Doh! Doh!"
If you're making a first person out of the tourament bet,
Homer Simpson is definitely your man.
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2. Ozzy Osbourne
Picture this: Osbourne is in the big blind and gets dealt a five and a two.
The bet comes to him after it's been raised and re-raised.
He peeks at his cards and then all hell breaks loose.
"I can't believe these ****ing cards. Can you believe this **it.
A ****ing five and a ****ing deuce. For ****s sake.
How the hell am I supposed to play this ****ing **it.
Who the **ck dealt this **it."
Priceless.
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3. Jessica Simpson
Some think Simpson's ditzy blonde demeanor is just an act.
Any person who talks smack with Dallas Cowboys fans,
while wearing a pink football jersey, deserves to get their head examined.
And that bit, about thinking tuna might be chicken, is just nutty.
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4. Charles Barkley
The former NBA superstar and current basketball analyst loves to gamble.
He's not very good at it -- he's lost around $10 million gambling at casinos.
He can be talked out of good bets, like when he predicted on the air,
that the Giants would win the Super Bowl this year (which they did),
but bet on the Patriots in Vegas, because all the ESPN "guys"
said there was no way the Patriots would lose.
Combine that with the fact that he's hilarious
and you get the perfect person to have at the table.
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5. Robin Williams
Williams would be a great addition to any poker game,
primarily because you'll never stop laughing.
The hyperactive Williams won't look long enough at his cards
or the board, to actually be an effective player.
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6. Tony Sirico
Fans of the Sopranos will instantly recognize Sirico
as the actor who plays the emotional Pauly Walnuts,
a New Jersey gangster who can't keep his emotions or mouth in check.
While it would be fun to see Pauly tear down Mike Matusow at the table,
it is unlikely that he would actually win any money,
unless he beats it out of his opponents.
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7. Hillary Clinton
Clinton's poker face needs some serious work.
During the Democratic presidential candidate debates,
she spent part of the night looking like she wants to punch Barack Obama.
At least 50% percent of the table isn't going to believe a word she says,
so it's going to be impossible for her to bluff.
That combination is a recipe for disaster in poker.
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8. Regis Philbin
The key to Philbin's success as a broadcaster,
has been that he wears his emotions on his sleeve.
Whether its bemoaning Notre Dame's inability to win at football
or cheering for a game show contestant, you always know where he stands
just by looking at him... and that's not a good thing at poker.
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9. Amy Winehouse
"Table image" will be her big problem,
because her opponents already feel like they can read her.
Really -- who believed her when she sang "I won't go, go, go" to rehab?
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10. Mr. Bean
You don't have to speak to play poker. That is done with chips. But you do
have to control your expressions and that's where Mr. Bean falls short.
His face is sure to hurt him in a game that coined the phrase "poker face".